Dear the racehorse industry, you broke my heart....

Dear The horse racing industry,

Yesterday I had the front shoes removed from my thoroughbred, Ronnie. Sounds like nothing, but it's fairly symbolic. It marks the end of us trying to forge a ridden career, and at 6 years old, that's pretty devastating.

I bought him straight off the track in March 2021. I've had high hopes for him. I bought him based on his conformation and his very honest face. I wasn't wrong on that front. Maybe if he'd learned to object, and not be so stoic, he wouldn't have got to this stage? We shall never know.

However, he began his training like they all do (before he was even 2) and the grueling workload, on young, underdeveloped bones, and his generous and forgiving nature, meant he was already unsound by 4. A fractured pelvis during training, wind surgery, and who knows what else?

Unsuspecting me came along. Like I always do, open arms - and immediately smitten with his pony like face, and kind eyes. This being my second ex racer. My first ex-racehorse had to be put to sleep as a 3-year-old as the industry also ruined him. I went back to the person I bought him from for support, and in return he turned on me and stated I had caused his death. The vet disagreed, as did the blood results that I still sent off for even once we had lost him. He had chronic inflammation, liver disease and a grade 5 heart murmur by the age of 3.

I thought it was going to be different with Ronnie. He looked so healthy and fit on arrival, but his constant failures when raced, were indicative of the issues he was trying so hard to push against when on the track. My heart breaks at the thought, as I know Ronnie, and he will give all his because of his incessant want to please, even to his own detriment.

I gave him the first 6 months off "to be a horse" on a 20-acre field. I visited him every day and rejoiced in watching him snoozing with his field mates, in the sunshine. A gift he'd never experienced, for his trainer told me they had never turned him out. He only came out of the stable to train, and race. He embraced outdoor living like a Welsh hill pony, and to this day has lived out full time. He is such a good doer!

Once he began his ridden career with me, it was very slow. We started in hand after his 6-month complete rest. It was 3 months before we even sat on him, however, his lack of impulsion, constant tail swishing under saddle, was initially put down to sore feet, and potential ulcers. I did the usual - saddle checks, physio, teeth, Bitting issues. We still could not get him to go forwards.

We had 15 x rays done, the next step would be nerve blocks, and bone scans. We could not find the cause of the lameness, which when looking back at old videos, was present before I even bought him, but easily missed.

Unfortunately, 20 months on, and with less and less ability to work him, he's just become worse and worse, and resents even having a rug on his back, let alone a rider. My vet did advise I just retire him, and that it wouldn't be unreasonable to consider euthanasia. Of course, that would be if you removed all emotion from the equation.

As it is pre-existing, I am not covered by insurance. I have lost thousands from this brief foray into ex racehorses, and have basically bought these vet bills, that were broken by the industry and sold on to unsuspecting good-natured owners, like me.

Of course, they went through "rehoming" centers, who are really dealers, turning them around in a matter of days, for a tidy sum, under the guise of caring, kindhearted, rehoming centers.

Naturally, my private life did not take into account what is happening with my horse life, and I also ended up having to leave my job in the Police, and the combination of my career ending, and my hobby financially crippling me, has left me in a position no owner ever wants to be in.

This is especially hard for an owner that has fallen in love with such a big, soft, kind animal. He was the first in the field to follow me to the yard caravan, when I took my first tentative steps back there, following revision surgery of my double mastectomy. He waited by the window and planted delicate kisses on my face. And yet, his life seems to come down to money. Horses just are not cheap. My existence isn't dependent on money, as we have a welfare state.

This is where I feel the race industry needs to change. These animals give their all, there should be provisions made for them for when they can no longer do the job, they broke themselves trying to do - to line the pockets of those involved, or worse, for entertainment.

Unfortunately, as the farrier removed his shoes, he commented on how he is now extremely stiff when he was trying to trim his back feet. Ronnie threatened to kick a couple of times - which he's never done before and is testament to how he is feeling now. He's become much grumpier since we tried to investigate, and treat, his lameness. He also has kissing spines, and we had him injected to make him more comfortable, but this merely exacerbated the lameness that he had hidden so well.

I'm really sad for me, but even more sad for Ronnie. He was bought as a yearling for 87,000 guineas. And I can believe it. His conformation, temperament, breeding all scream of a quality horse. If he had never been raced - I can only dream of the life, we would have had together. He'd have been my dream horse. But of course, I'd never be able to buy a horse worth 87k, and so the reason he found his way to me was because of these very circumstances. But I do feel I keep paying (figuratively and literally) to have my heart broken.

The only solace I can take from my second stint into the retraining of racehorses, is that they have been loved by me until the very end. It's painful that the breed I have fallen in love with, is the breed I am now too afraid to ever try again with. I can see why the racing industry choose these athletic, kind, versatile, generous creatures, but I can't forgive the industry for how they discard of them.

Signed, Tanya, a devastated owner.